Frustrated

OK, now I'm frustrated and I have no one to really talk to about it. I can't really talk to my husband about it because if I really say what I think then I'm not being "supportive" and "loving". I hate that.

So, because I have this blog, I'm going to write what I feel because I can. If you know me IRL, please please don't take this the wrong way. This blog is my outlet. There's no need to call me and check up on me b/c I'm truly alright. I just need to vent, and I prefer to vent here because somehow it's where I truly feel understood. I don't have to censor myself, or act like a good person, or a good christian, or a good anything. I can just let it out, and in doing so, perhaps eventually let it go.

Hubby is still talking to the University in the South folks. I do not fully understand why. They haven't budged, and have yet to even send an offer in writing because they won't give hubby any of what he has asked for. I'm confused as to why he doesn't say some politically correct form of "kiss my ass" and walk away from it all. I don't know why he doesn't feel immensely insulted. I think he still wants to go there, and I don't know WHY he would want to work for people who think THAT offer is what he is worth. I've asked him, and his responses are brief, polite, and vague. I've tried asking clarifying questions, but the answers don't change. It's always some form of "I'm going to wait and see what they do next." Um, they're not going to f-in do jack! I asked him if this isn't a big red flag, and his response was "there are red flags everywhere you could go". Sure, but big huge crimson and grey ones that read "we think you should take a pay cut and drag your entire family here in a terrible economy for no good reason" ones??? Come on now.

I just want this all behind us. I'm ready to move on. He's talked to people, he's called, he's emailed, and nothing has budged. OK, one little sentence in which someone said "maybe they could go 2K more" making his pay cut $3K as opposed to $5K. Uh huh...yeah. Even little things, like a computer for home, were denied. Simple things we get here that we take for granted they've said no to. It just makes me so livid.

So now I've decided to stop talking with hubby about it altogether. That's what I have to do to stay sane. But then we go to church and loving well-meaning folks ask him (in front of me, of course), "Have you heard from Southern Univ. yet?" Greaaaat, I think. And all he says is "We're still in negotiations on the offer." Um, no, no you're not. Negotiations would be where THEY make another better offer - which they HAVE NOT DONE. I'm just f-in sick of it.

So, I did some retail therapy at Stein Mart and bought 4 very cute tops for a total of $53, so cheaper than a therapist. And I bought new lamps for the master bedroom, which is looking more and more cool every day. And we're going to hire the same guy to paint the last unfinished room in our house - hubby's office (which may eventually be a girl's bedroom when they need their own spaces). And then I baked brownie bites - and don't tell me they don't make you feel better, because darn it, they were awesome and I was in hog-heaven.

So, starting today, I am erasing the Tide from my vocabulary with hubby. No more questions - period. If he brings it up, I will listen. Period. I will not respond; I will not offer an opinion. I've given it, and I'm done. It's ultimately his choice, but I'm officially done. At least I have this blog - dunno where I'd be without my buddies!