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Sunday, June 29, 2008

In Response to Anonymous

I got this from an anonymous commenter regarding the fact that I was upset about the SW giving Cookie and Bit's biomom pictures:

I'm going to be the wicked bitch here and ask what's the big deal with showing the bio-mom some pictures? Do you REALLY think (honestly now) that she's going to take those pictures and use them to track you down/hurt you from behind jail or once she gets out? Did you ever think that maybe seeing those pictures gave the mom some closure/peace of mind that the girls were well loved and being taken care of? Birthmoms (whether they choose to be them or not) sometimes can "close chapters" easier knowing that their children are safe and well loved/taken care of, then by them just disappearing off the face of the world and wondering every time a child that matches the age and description of the child they lost comes across the news as raped/murdered/abused... Cmon now. Get a grip and stop being such an ass. You have the children, she doesn't. I KNOW that showing her a few pictures isn't going to change that fact, and quite honestly, it sounds like you are just another power-tripping power hungry adoptive mom who is standing on the mountain stop screaming MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE. Get over it lady.

Allow me to clarify. Yes, I am standing on the mountaintop screaming MINE!! Their birthmother was a crack whore who damn near killed her unborn children, abused other children within an inch of their life and scarred them for life. Yes, now they are MINE. She will spend another two years behind bars. She should spend the rest of her life for what she did to FOUR HELPLESS CHILDREN.

As for the Social Worker, she did not have my PERMISSION to do what she did. Maybe I would have granted it, maybe not. My point was, she didn't ask, and it was not her place to do what she did. She hadn't "found peace or closure" with three prior involuntary terminations behind her, and despite her incarceration and cocaine problem, would not voluntarily terminate this time. Doesn't sound like someone in search of peace or closure to me. Doesn't sound like someone who cares about the well-being of ANY child.

Don't think you know my story very well, or that of my children.

And if you had any balls, you self-righteous prick, then show your name instead of hiding behind "anonymous".

Anyone care to comment in response? Bring it on!

19 comments:

Ms. J said...

I am putting on my most fabulous high-heeled boots, and am ready to march to wherever and deliver a first-grade ass whuppin! Sign me up, hon, I am your soldier -- ready and willing to kick butt!

Grrrrr, people are idiots way too much of the time.

Melissa said...

I've had some nasty similar comments directed at me too and think I know how you feel, slightly any way...
I have found that they are usually bitter birthmoms who hate adotion for what they feel it did to them (losing their kids). It may make me sound insensitive but I think they are selfish and they are the ones who need to get over it. I could go on, but this is a sore spot for me and I have already posted some myself.

Really just wanted to say I'm glad you called her out on this. And you're right, if they are going to be so bold as to badmouth you and hand out "advice", they should be bold enough to leave their name. And with that said if "anonymous" doesn't like what I've said she can hop on over to my place and tell me herself.

Sunshine said...

Oh gee, what an awful comment! I've had a few that questioned me, but never as badly as this, and even that always upsets me. I agree that it sounds like an upset birthmom taking out her pain on you. I've considered sending pics to my kids birthmom, but I wonder if she could come out of her drug & alcohol induced haze long enough to check the mail. I also don't want to stir her up again and make her consider looking for the kids. I say let sleeping dogs lie.

Runergirl said...

Wow! That person sounds like someone with too much time n their hands.......Thank God you have those precious girls!!!! I would scem that they were mine anywhere:)))

Ebenezer said...

I am actually coming out of bloglines lurkdome to comment here. I know, it has been a while - but this is proof I keep reading!

What the heck? When I was reading the comment from the coward I kept thinking, yes, she is screaming MINE! Because, YES, THEY ARE YOURS! And I totally get it. It is YOUR decision whether or not to show photos of cookie to the birthmom. The sw was WAY out of line. Showing the pics or not isn't even the issue here. It's who makes the decision.

Oh, and since I'm commenting, have you guys discussed what you'll do if you're given the opportunity to have another one of Cookie and Bit-Bit's siblings?

Kellie said...

I would add a comment of my own, but I think you said it all! Good for you!

Leah W said...

i am a "lurker" too (since Saturday) and I cannot believe that they had the balls to leave you that comment but then did it anonymously. That is almost the most offensive part! And if they really wanted to say something to help you understand the other side of things they could have refrained from ATTACKING you!

that is the down side of the internet-there is always so jerk walking thru that leaves crap like that on your page and then just keeps walking

Julie said...

Anon-You obviously are hurting from your own pain- that is okay but don't inflict your pain on others. You need to get closure elsewhere.

T- I am glad you reponded to this- anon commenters think they can just throw darts and run. It isn't right- and I am sorry anon's selfishness and pain hit you like a drive by. I could have "heard" some of her comments if she was not so mean. Like you said- the issue was Cookie- and not giving permission- had you had the opportunity - you may have- who knows now. I hope you can let this slide off you- sometimes we have to be teflon as adoptive moms. Shoot- as people! her comments weren't really about you-

Your wise to protect your children. :)

Rebecca said...

The one thing she was so wrong was that she thinks that the birth mom's have rights. I believe as a foster/adoptive mom that if a birth mom's rights were taken away by a court then she has NO RIGHTS at ALL to see any pictures of the children or even know where they are (unless the adoptive parents think that it is okay--and ONLY them!)! The court does not easily take rights away!!!! Now if the birth mom gave up her rights that is different! Then I believe pitures are a wonderful thing! I really think that this person needs help!!!

Just know that you are such a wonderful mommy to these girls and they are very lucky to have you!!!
GOD BLESS!

KrazyMom said...

Response well put. To leave a comment like that on a case you obviously don't know the details of is terrible. Those girls are YOURS and I would have been angry about the pictures without giving permission as well.

summa111 said...

My daughter's birth father is an alcoholic and a drug adict he allowed her to be sexually abused and refused to help prosecute the offender as a result the pervert got away with it. He has refused to give up parental rights and hadn't seen her in 12 years until a friend of my mother-in-law who also knew the birth father decided to bring him to her house when he knew my daughter would be there. I was livid he had no idea what had happened and unfortunatly my m-i-l wasn't there she had gone to the store leaving my daughter and two of her younger cousins home. My daughter was sixteen and had recently remembered the abuse that she had blocked for so many years she was terrified. Just because someone donates an egg,sperm or uterus to the making of a baby doesn't mean they should have access to the child or even pictures. Biodad couldn't care less however his mom and stepdad (the offenders) do care and have threatened to kidnap her so maybe birthmom wouldn't do anything but that doesn't mean people acting on her behalf won't and let's face it her lifestyle doesn't lend itself to the best companions.
Congrats on all the progress my prayers are with you and your beautiful family.

SD said...

Wow-I have read comments from that person before I think-it's the same twisted angry person. She has no right to judge an adoptive Mom. You are THE MOTHER. Closure for Cookie's and Bit-Bit's Birth Mother is a non-issue and does not warrant to be mentioned, it's not deserved as she was never "open" to their wellbeing in the first place. This Anonymous person has deep rooted issues--she needs to quit stirring a pot for shits and giggles, not bother good people-especially where families and kids are involved, and go leave inflammatory comments with some other blog where people may give a Rats Ass what she has to say---She's nameless for a simple reason:she is embarrassed by her own thoughts and comments. SHE's THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO GET OVER IT--

Frenchie said...

You have every right to expect to be ASKED first about the photos--considering YOU ARE THE MOTHER HERE!! Aside from that, considering the (horrific) circumstances of what this birthmother is all about--I support you even MORE. I'm not sure I would want my son's photo being shown to his birthmother, if she was a child-abusing crack whore behind bars. But that's just me. (Luckily my son's birthmother is a lovely young woman and we have an open relationship in which she does receive photos and letters). Anywhoo, ANONYMOUS can suck it. Your children's care and well being lies with you and your husband, and that includes how much contact you deem acceptable with their birthmother. The buck stops with you, and if ANONYMOUS can't understand that then that's his/her problem. (And that goes for the inconsiderate S/W too!)

Dream Mommy said...

Some people will defend these "parents" no matter what. I had a commenter who insisted I was making up stories about Bubbles' parents because they really couldn't be that bad right? I just wanted to take their baby right?

Sorry I missed that, but would've kicked some butt.

jessie said...

Amen, sister!

Anyone who has the guts to put "anonymous" as their title will inevitably say something they don't have the guts to say to your face...

Overwhelmed! said...

I'm preparing a packet of pictures and an update letter to send out to our son's birth mother this week. I do this for her every 6 months. It brings her great comfort to see how well Snuggle Bug is doing and I've found that I enjoy doing this for her.

However, Snuggle Bug's birth mother is NOT in prison and never harmed a single hair on our son's head.

If either of these were the case, you can bet I would not be sharing pictures. I shudder to think of the possibility of pictures of my child circulating in a prison!

I agree with many other’s who commented, Anonymous obviously had no clue about the facts of your situation when she wrote that nasty comment and she is the one that needs to "get over it!"

Eliza said...

I have read your story from beginning to present-day and this person obviously had NO CLUE what they were talking about. This isn't some high-school girl who got pregnant, chose to place the child for adoption, and whose innocent and wistful request maybe talked a worker into 'bending' the rules (WHICH ARE THERE FOR A REASON). This woman didn't deserve the title of mother at ALL if you ask me--all she was was an unwilling and unfit incubator for what became YOUR two darling daughters, and I don't think that worker did the right thing AT ALL! You never KNOW what a criminal (especially an addict) is capable of, and your family kind of stands out...I would be furious AND actively pursuing the matter (although maybe I'd save the real sabre-rattling for after the second finalization, he he he).

sarsmile said...

Wow. I agree that the social worker had no right to give biomom pictures without consulting you. You are the legal parent and it should be your decision - and under the circumstances, I don't think you are unreasonable to say no. That being said, biomom may have lost all of her rights but Cookie and Bit-Bit haven't. And for their sake, I have to admit that I cringed when I read your description of her. No matter how much she screwed up, she is still the source of half of their DNA and many of the things you love about them. You will always be their mom, and I'm glad they'll be able to grow up being loved and cared for. I just hope that they won't also have to grow up thinking of their biomom as a terrible, worthless, person who couldn't possibly have cared at all about them, and feeling guilty for any connection they may feel toward her. That may not actually be how you feel - I know I'm only getting part of the story in one blog - but that's how your comments came across to me.

JUST A MOM said...

OH SNAP! I AM LATE,,,, and I am late I will have to come back and catch up well said though. I think we all need a little adrenalin rush now and then works wonders. :)