Thursday, September 27, 2007

Dang It

The reason that we haven't had a visit from Honey Bun's social worker is...(dum dah dah dum)

She's leaving and taking a new job. (insert sarcastic gasp and look of shock here)

Seasoned foster parents know this routine far too well. You wait and wait to find out what's going on in your child's case only to find out that nothing is going on and nothing will be going on for a while.

We learned of this from our R&C worker last night who did her quarterly home visit with us and went over our yearly renewal. She was the one to tell us - not the worker herself (whom we have never seen or heard from). The worker had apparently promised our R&C worker that she would come last night as well. She never showed. That's when our worker let us know her guess as to why.

I asked if we will get a visit this month. Her answer : "Well, since Friday is the last day of the month, then it's not likely."

I asked if we will get a new worker and a visit in October. Her answer: "I wouldn't count on it."

Dang it. (hence the title)

I asked her about the named biodad. If he doesn't take the DNA test to prove he is the father, it will default to J's husband (a husband is always the assumed legal father until proven otherwise) who is in jail for another 7 years, and voluntarily terminated his rights to Cookie when it came down to the wire. No one knows if HE knows his wife had another child with another man. Oh the drama.

So it looks like the best case scenario would be if he never shows face again. Then at the next court date, they will ask to deny services, then they will ask for another court date to change the goal to adoption, then another court date for TPR. It would still be a long process, but it could go about as fast as Cookie's case did (a total of 15 months to her adoption day).

I'm praying her never takes the DNA test. If he tests out as the father, it opens up a whole different time line of offering services and a case plan for him, offering visits, opening up his extended family as potential takers of Honey Bun. Awful stuff we don't want to think about.

So, let's pray he disappears. Our worker is under the impression he is back in jail, or still in jail. Who really knows.

But Honey Bun is doing great - and smiling. And Cookie is learning new words every day. Her cool words at dinner last night: salad, seeds (sunflower for her salad), olives, and hummus (yes, I eat hummus and Cookie loves it too on toasted pita bread). She must have said each of those words 20 times, she was so impressed with herself. Hummus!

Please pray for us to get a new worker for Honey Bun quickly. I think I'll wait a week or so, and then call the supervisor and ask her directly. Until then, prayers for a good worker!


Julie said...

Ding Dang! I hate the turn over!! but it is what it is. That is my new motto- "it is what it is" Maybe I will write a song.

JUST A MOM said...

ooooooooooooooo yes we so know we had at least 12 workers in 10 years for our girls. hang in there a no show is a great sign

FosterAbba said...

Boy, do we know the "new worker" routine well. We've had seven in the past 12 months.

Hang in there.

Julie said...

hey- how do you get your avatar on your site?

Robin said...

Go figure! Hopefully dad will disappear and it will only take 15 months tops!!!

S. said...

I think I what you are going through regarding the DNA/Paternity deal. It sucks waiting to know.I'm hoping you don't deal with it, get lucky and you never see the potential-so called Dad again. We have a situation here where there is a possible Dad-he thinks he is...visits are going on to him. Results are pending. Ugh!!! Good luck!

Anonymous said...

uhm, I can't quite remember but didn't you say in an earlier post that the father might have had an issue with sexually abusing another girl. If that is true please explain to me why they would let him see this girl?

Amanda said...

Wow. I hope Honey Bun stays with you all, right where she belongs.

Marthavmuffin said...

I am a firm believer in things working out as they should and can't imagine any other outcome but adoption for you and your family.

We had a similar experience with a wonderful turnover of workers in our daughters case. THe new worker didn't cover for the birth parents at all. He wouldn't coddle to them and didn't put up with crap from them like our first worker did. Our daughter was born into foster care on Jan 2006, we were her third placement in May 2006, and we finalized her adoption last month. The parents didn't even show up to the TPR hearing despite alot of blustering (and BF mentioning he needed a paternity test) and histrionics on both their parts at the pretrial.
Anyway you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there, good things come to those who wait.

Dream Mommy said...

I know the feeling. I waited MONTHS for Bubbles' court date to find out info, and then it was cancelled cause mom didn't show because she gave birth the week before! Now it's scheduled the end of next month and I can't take off both then, and Smiley's adoption day.

Hang in there.

Overwhelmed! said...

Oy Veh! I feel your pain. I hope Honey Bun gets a new social worker quickly (is that possible with the state?) and that things go smoothly here on out!