Update...

Well, I don't blog much anymore because I've lost a lot of my anonymity and don't really want to write much of what I feel knowing people I know may read it. In short, I have marital problems, I suffer from depression that is under control but that does bring about some very bad days, and my kids have issues like all kids do. Oh, and I have issues, too. And I really appreciate the friends who have emailed with concerns. I working on myself, I promise.

Cookie is having more and more behavioral problems. Whoever coined the term "terrible twos" should be properly bitch-slapped. They lied. 3s are much worse. Couple that with a smart child, and you have one helluva backtalking princess/witch. She's really sweet and breathtakingly intelligent and articulate. She is also constantly in motion much of the time and has to have challenges to work on to keep her satisfied. She wears me out (of course, being 38 and out of shape does not help). Oh, and please don't respond with diagnoses for her - I really don't want them. It won't hurt our friendship, but it will piss me off and then I will cuss. And I'm working on not cussing before noon.

Bit-Bit has herpes. It's pretty crappy when the doctor says "Your daughter has herpes." Thank God this is the oral kind that most all of us have. Just most of us never experience a primary outbreak like this, and not many of us get a mouthful of sores. She is one unhappy camper. She turns two next month, and still weighs just shy of 25 pounds and is quite small. Bit-Bit still fits her moniker. She says lots of 1-word statements, and is quite nonverbally expressive. You can have an entire conversation with her - she just won't use sentences.

We are fostering kittens for the Humane Society because dumb-asses dropped off 31 kittens in the middle of the night a couple weeks ago, and the call went out to all who had fostered before to please re-up. So we got 3. They are stinky, and fuzzy, and cute, but I am not ready for them to go back. Mia loves the heck out of them and always wants them in bed with her. But she knows we are just fostering, and they they are not for keeps. I am gonna be strong on that. Correction - my allergies are gonna be strong on that.

I've been sick for months with recurrent sinus infections, bronchitis, and secondary infections that have made it tough to breathe. I've also hurt my back with all the coughing. I'm finishing a round of pretty tough and expensive antibiotics now, so I hope this will kill whatever has invaded me.

My BFF is moving here in less than a month to start on her PhD this fall. She's getting a cute apartment pretty close to the house, so the girls will have Auntie Megan around which makes me very, very happy. And it will be great for me, too. I missed having a great friend that lives in the same city. I don't make friends easily. I think I'm at the age where that is pretty tough. Also, I don't like weird people and prefer relatively sane ones so friend-making is not my forte.

I've created a new blog site on wordpress but haven't written anything yet. It will likely be a very mouthy hard-core brutally honest look at marriage, sex, life, parenting, and the sorts. If you'd like the addy, please leave an email in the comments section. I'll delete the comments to keep your emails private. Oh, and if you're someone I see on a rather regular basis IRL, please - no offense, I'd just rather this blog be for my blog-buddies eyes only so I can keep it quasi-anonymous and cuss and rant and self-disclose to the Nth degree.

Cheers! Tamara

Why I Want a Wife

I clearly need another blog for these types of posts, but until then, these are my thoughts:

"Why I Need a Wife"

She would be less likely to center her life around the viewing of sports, and the talking about sports.

She would want to make love with me, and want me to appreciate her and her body, and would appreciate the fact that I want to please her. She would be overjoyed with the amount of physical intimacy I would give her. She would like kissing.

She would take an interest in home improvement.

She would help me become a better person.

She would be concerned about my physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

She would want to keep our marriage alive and healthy and thriving.

She would want to have fun with me.

She would seek to find out what is wrong in our relationship and make every attempt to make it better.



OK, so clearly getting a wife would not guarantee I would get these things. I just think women do these more than men do (in general), so I find myself wondering if the roles were reversed, if I would be getting the better end of this marriage deal.

The Girls

Cookie's New Song

After her bath she was sitting in front of me on the floor of the bedroom while I was blow-drying her hair (I had deep-conditioned it as it had gotten a little hay-stack lookin'). She was, of course, naked and wrapped in a towel.

She had her head down while I was drying her hair...and then she started to sing...

"Oh wormie, wormie, wormie...I've got a little wormie...Wormie, wormie, wormie, there's a little wormie..."

I peeked around her to see what she was doing

And yes, you guessed it...she was fiddling with her...um...

"papaya worm" shall we say

And was excited that it looked like a little worm

And told me how cool it was to have a wormie in her ba-gina.

Yeah.

Michael just died a little.

:)

BWAHAHHAHAHAHA

On to more interesting topics...

Thank you for all of your varied perspectives - always fascinating to see the multitude of views on "The System".

That being said, I failed to tell you about the way-cool Valentine's Day present my husband gave me: a shiny new hot-pink iPod - my very first one. He's has an iPod for a while now, but I've never jumped in. In fact, Cookie has an iPod too. But this is mamma's first!! The very best part - he had it engraved on the back with a sweet little message. Awwwwww. And then while I was sleeping that night, he loaded it up with all of my favorites. The greater message in that gesture: he's really, truly listened to me when I prattled on and on about this artist or that song - most of whom he's never listened to much before. He knows me, and he chooses to stay with me. Sweet!

Accepting WIC

A reader left the following comment on my last post:

I think it is awesome that you are looking for uses for the WIC donations, but this is a very unique time to most of our delicate histories, and personally I think you should not be accepting the WIC food if you cannot use it. Many other WIC families need that food and supplies are limited, as well as the funding which has all been cut recently and will only continue to dwindle. Please leave those resources for someone who cannot live without them.

I'm certain I don't know this person and I'm also certain I didn't ask for opinions as to whether I should or should not accept WIC. I'm certain she does not know our family or our circumstances. I never said I couldn't USE the food, but the types of food families receive seem skewed to me (i.e. the disproportionate amounts of cheese). Therefore, I'm looking for ways to incorporate these things.

Did this reader also fail to see where I said we donate unused food to the Jesus Cupboard at our church to feed the needy in our community? We currently have so many calls for food at our church, we cannot handle them all. The WIC we cannot use goes to feed others. We also donate more, but that is irrelevant and would be inappropriate for me to even discuss.

I'm also not convinced that our income is relevant. My children are adopted from foster care and receive government assistance because of that. The state gives these resources to the children, not on the basis of the income of the parents. If we limit assistance for foster children who are taken in by people in poverty or just above the poverty level, then we keep those children in the poverty they came from. The WIC is in their names, not ours.

It might also be a good time to mention that we also get a monthly adoption subsidy for our children that will last until they are 18. There are many months that we anticipate the day the check is deposited so we can stock up on diapers and wipes, laundry detergent, bread, meat, and all the other life necessities that WIC vouchers don't touch. We consider this a gift from the Lord, and use it for things we would not normally be able to afford, like extra-curricular activities such as swimming, dance lessons, music lessons, and advanced reading curriculum. It's to benefit them, and we use it for them.

Anyone else use WIC, or not and would care to comment? It seems I've opened up a larger topic than just recipes.

But it is so fascinating to see those who quickly jump to judgment of another without knowing them.

Creative Uses for WIC Food

OK folks, I need help. Maybe we all need the help. My kid-os get WIC, and we are exceedingly grateful, but...

We get a jar of peanut butter each month and currenly have 4 unopened jars in addition to the one now opened. The kids really don't eat PB&J sandwiches as Mia doesn't eat bread.

So, anyone have favorite recipees or ideas for using the peanut butter?

We also get 5 pounds of cheese each month - yes, I said 5 pounds. OK, if I got milk instead of cheese for two of them I could cut it down to 3 pounds, but cheese costs more than milk, so I get the cheese.

Any favorite recipes or ideas for using cheese? It has to be cheddar, mozzarella, or colby sometimes, and can be shredded. But I currently have about 10 pounds of cheese in the freezer and am desperate for new creative ideas for using this stuff. Anyone have a fabulous homemade mac n' cheese recipe they can share?

Also, the cereal piles up - we usually donate a lot of it to the Jesus Cupboard at our church to help feed others. But sometimes I feel like donating WIC food is just donating what these folks already get, so I try to donate canned meats, etc. But the cereal piles up, too.

OK, so if you can send ideas or links, or recipes, I would be so greateful.

Kentucky...Here We Stay!

Hubby turned down the offer to leave, and in the process even got a small raise from the folks here as a good-will gesture of "we'd like you to stay here". It's fine for now, and I'll busy myself teaching and working on home improvement and raising two scary-smart kid-os.

For example, when Cookie went to the doctor last time, she informed the doctor that the thing in the back of her throat was "a uvula". :) I love that kid.

Butterfly Cookie

The other night after getting out of the tub, Cookie wrapped herself in a big white fluffy towel so that only the top of her head was poking out. She then began to ever so slowly peek her head out of the top of the towel and unwrap herself. She then announced loudly, "I'm coming out of my chrysalis!" My child, the lepidoperist.

Frustrated

OK, now I'm frustrated and I have no one to really talk to about it. I can't really talk to my husband about it because if I really say what I think then I'm not being "supportive" and "loving". I hate that.

So, because I have this blog, I'm going to write what I feel because I can. If you know me IRL, please please don't take this the wrong way. This blog is my outlet. There's no need to call me and check up on me b/c I'm truly alright. I just need to vent, and I prefer to vent here because somehow it's where I truly feel understood. I don't have to censor myself, or act like a good person, or a good christian, or a good anything. I can just let it out, and in doing so, perhaps eventually let it go.

Hubby is still talking to the University in the South folks. I do not fully understand why. They haven't budged, and have yet to even send an offer in writing because they won't give hubby any of what he has asked for. I'm confused as to why he doesn't say some politically correct form of "kiss my ass" and walk away from it all. I don't know why he doesn't feel immensely insulted. I think he still wants to go there, and I don't know WHY he would want to work for people who think THAT offer is what he is worth. I've asked him, and his responses are brief, polite, and vague. I've tried asking clarifying questions, but the answers don't change. It's always some form of "I'm going to wait and see what they do next." Um, they're not going to f-in do jack! I asked him if this isn't a big red flag, and his response was "there are red flags everywhere you could go". Sure, but big huge crimson and grey ones that read "we think you should take a pay cut and drag your entire family here in a terrible economy for no good reason" ones??? Come on now.

I just want this all behind us. I'm ready to move on. He's talked to people, he's called, he's emailed, and nothing has budged. OK, one little sentence in which someone said "maybe they could go 2K more" making his pay cut $3K as opposed to $5K. Uh huh...yeah. Even little things, like a computer for home, were denied. Simple things we get here that we take for granted they've said no to. It just makes me so livid.

So now I've decided to stop talking with hubby about it altogether. That's what I have to do to stay sane. But then we go to church and loving well-meaning folks ask him (in front of me, of course), "Have you heard from Southern Univ. yet?" Greaaaat, I think. And all he says is "We're still in negotiations on the offer." Um, no, no you're not. Negotiations would be where THEY make another better offer - which they HAVE NOT DONE. I'm just f-in sick of it.

So, I did some retail therapy at Stein Mart and bought 4 very cute tops for a total of $53, so cheaper than a therapist. And I bought new lamps for the master bedroom, which is looking more and more cool every day. And we're going to hire the same guy to paint the last unfinished room in our house - hubby's office (which may eventually be a girl's bedroom when they need their own spaces). And then I baked brownie bites - and don't tell me they don't make you feel better, because darn it, they were awesome and I was in hog-heaven.

So, starting today, I am erasing the Tide from my vocabulary with hubby. No more questions - period. If he brings it up, I will listen. Period. I will not respond; I will not offer an opinion. I've given it, and I'm done. It's ultimately his choice, but I'm officially done. At least I have this blog - dunno where I'd be without my buddies!

The University in the South

Got the offer - they attempted the low-ball. I was LIVID and INSULTED. I don't know what Michael was. They actually offered 5K a year LESS than he makes HERE - WTF???!!! Then they had the cahones to say that he could make up that lost income by teaching in the summer. I am so tired of cussing, that I just don't have the energy to write about it. Their loss. I am glad we are happy here.

On a positive note - our master bedroom looks so...flippin'...goregous. Window treatments are next!!

The Tide Begins to Roll...

Well, I don't know how "public" my DH wants the news to be at this point, but what they hey...

University in the South emailed yesterday to let him know they would be making an official offer sometime next week.

The wheels of university bureaucracy often spin slowly, especially when there is possible promotion and tenure in question, or a significant amount of muhlah (compared to the minimum wage, of course).

No matter what happens, I'm proud of him.

Please pray that the decision is relatively easy for both of us.

I love a lot of things about Lexington, and about our life right here. But I also know that "to everything there is a season", and our season here may be coming to a close. Our work here may be done...or not.

We really need wisdom, and guidance, and peace in the weeks ahead. If an offer rolls in next week, we may very well know within a couple of weeks where we will all be living come this August (which is merely 6 shorts months from now).

Our master bedroom is being painted next week - which means it will either be in perfect shape to sell, or the perfect bedroom I've always wanted for myself.

I'm at peace with either staying or going. But between me and the blogosphere, if I were a gambling woman, I'd bet on red (meaning, we're going). And I've always been pretty good at Roulette...just not the Russian kind.

If you're into "signs", we had a monstrous ice storm here last week that wiped out the city for days, while in the other city, it was warm and sunny. I also look better in red than in blue. ;)

Oh, and if you are praying for specifics - tenure, promotion, an affordable house to buy, and a salary with a lot of 8s in it. I won't be more specific than that, but think/pray - 8. Remember, 8 is great.

To everyone reading - thank you. A sincere thank you for the prayers, and for caring about 'lil ol us. We are honored to be in your thoughts and prayers.

You Know There Is A Recession When...

...you transfer your prescriptions all over town in order to get gift cards so you can buy milk and bread there.

So far, we have transferred from CVS to Rite Aid (3 $30 gifts cards for each of us for a total of $180 in gift cards), to Walgreens, and now to Kroger. I think the Kroger deal was the best so far -$20 gift card for each transferred Rx - up to 3 of them. That's grocery money right there.

Next month will be Target - they only offer a $10 gift card, but hey, $10 is $10.

And I have the coupons to transfer to K-Mart as well, but I still have to find out if ours has a pharmacy.

Anyone else done the prescription shuffle?

How It Went

Hubby thinks all went well...$$ was talked about, and promotion, and the possibility of tenure - all things that certainly wouldn't be talked about were he not under serious consideration and had made a great impression over the 2-day interview-palooza.

My co-parent returns tomorrow afternoon, and his oldest child will be so glad to see him as she has really, really missed him.

In sad news, it looks like one of my classes for Spring didn't make, so that's less income. However, it very well may be God making more time for me to get the house together and to make preparations for a move. Who knows. I'm just trying to trust.

Any idea how sexy your husband becomes when he is successful and everyone knows it?? Dang. Just. Dang.

In the 'Loo

Well, hubby is safely at the interview destination - and I'm off to have my hair done while the kid-os are at daycare. It's been quite a while, and I'm trying out a new stylist (who is about $30 cheaper than my normal stylist, which should tell you how much I've been over-paying).

The kids were up when daddy left at 5:30 this morning, and I let them watch Dora until it was daylight and then I dressed them and took them to daycare. I did the WIC grocery store run bright and early which apparently is senior-citizen time at Kroger (who knew). I then took a hot shower (which I'd also not had in far too long) and watched a few insipid style makeover shows.

I'm now blogging, of course, and about to head out to get my new 'doo.

Hubby should be touring the city we call "The 'Loo" about now. Tonight is dinner with the retiring faculty member who could be called the Aretha Franklin of our field. I'm jealous. The first time I met her I felt faint - what a cool woman she is.

Later I'll get the kid-os and see what Cookie wants for dinner. She barely eats, so what she wants is usually what we have. Maybe tonight we will do girls' manicures. I wonder how Bit-Bit would like that??

Interview

Day after tomorrow, hubby leaves for his interview at Big Southern University (well, medium-sized really, considering its only 17K students). I don't know about an elephant as a mascot, and a chant referencing polluted water. That, and I graduated from Florida. Working there just seems, well, ...let's just hope they pay well. I CAN be bought.

We've looked at houses on-line in Small Southern City just east of Mississippi. I even found a cute one on a lake. Houses seem affordable. The only catch is a big one - we'd have to sell our house here, and there's no way we could carry two house payments. I also feel like we just got our house here looking the way I wanted it (most rooms re-painted, all new lighting, etc.).

I find the thought of moving downright invigorating. Most folks loathe the idea, but I think grad school and the academy made me more flexible in that area.

I'm not looking forward to being a single-mom for the 3 days Michael will be gone. I'm a wimp. I like our routine with the kids, and how much he does with them. I can't imagine how I'm going to get both of them to sleep. Usually he gets Bit-Bit to sleep and I lay down next to Cookie as she drifts off. It's a good balance.

Michael won't know for a while the outcome of his interview as the other candidate isn't coming in until the end of January. There is also another faculty line being filled in the same department, and those candidates are also interviewing this month. So, the faculty there won't likely make their decisions and have approval to extend the offers until the beginning of February. It will be a long, hard wait for me. I like to have answers YESTERDAY. I was not blessed with the gift of patience. Until then, we will focus on our teaching and the new semester and our family.

We've purchased new bedroom furniture for ourselves, and that will arrive this month. We're also getting our master bedroom painted (a very, very light aqua), and purchased new bedding. I've gone for the "spa" feel, so hopefully that will also motivate me to get the oldest child OUT of our SPA bed! It also won't hurt for showing the house to prospective buyers.

All that should keep us busy. I'm working on getting my vita updated so we can potentially try to land me some teaching in the department as well, should Michael get an offer that he can't pass up.

Rest assured, it would take a fabulous offer to get us to leave all we have here. We are pretty certain the offer would have to involve promotion to Associate Professor (which there is a good chance of), promise of tenure in a year (which there is a slight chance of), and a nice bump in salary (who the heck knows the chances of that one). It really needs to be a "dream offer".

So, what do we think we want at this moment? We want an offer that is all of the above. So, if you are the praying type, we'd love for you to pray with us this week and this month. If God wants us to roll with the tide, then pray we follow His will! If we are to stay, pray we know for sure we need to be here. We are grateful to be in this position, especially when so many others are suffering without jobs of any kind. We are excited that God might be telling us it is time to move on to the next great adventure! You know, I had no clue as to why I/we was/were supposed to move to Lexington, KY - but I have two beautiful reasons that are now crystal clear.

I'm so proud of Michael. And in my previous marriage I was never proud of my husband. What a difference it is to have someone to be proud of. Such a cool feeling.

His BIG interview day is Friday. Relaxed day Thurs. getting shown around and "wined and dined", BIG interview day and his research presentation on Friday, and he returns Sat. morning. So BIG prayers needed Friday!

Conversation with Cookie

In the bathroom, water is warming up in the tub before she gets in...

C: "I don't like my vagina", she says, sitting on the rug and giving it a close inspection.

Me: "Oh, you have a very nice vagina. I like it. I have one too, and I like mine." (I attempt to be very vagina-positive, lest she grow up thinking its anything short of wonderful.)

C: "But I have a little bitty vagina. When I grow up I'm gonna have a GREAT BIG VAGINA." (shouted while throwing her arms up in the air)

Me: (trying not to pee myself) "Oh sweetie, how about a nice medium-sized vagina?"